LexTalk

31 Days of October: Photo + Writing Challenge — Day 15: A Selfie

If I could sit across from the version of myself from five years ago, I honestly don’t know where I’d begin.

Would I warn her? Would I reassure her? Would I give her a giant hug and tell her to buckle up because life is about to get interesting?

Probably all three.

Five years ago, it had only been a year since I lost my mom. I was still learning how to navigate a world without her in it. Grief is a strange thing. Life keeps moving forward, even when part of you wishes time would stand still.

But something extraordinary happened in 2021.

I met a man who would eventually become my husband.

And little did I know, I wasn’t just falling in love. I was stepping into an entirely new life.

A life filled with marriage, becoming a stepmom, building a family, learning patience, navigating challenges, making memories, and discovering parts of myself I hadn’t even met yet.

And let me tell you, five years ago, I had absolutely NO idea what I was signing up for!

Not all of it would be easy.

There would be some genuinely terrifying moments. Like being rushed to the emergency room and needing emergency surgery the day after my husband’s birthday one year.

Or ringing in a New Year with TWO teeth being extracted. Because apparently, nothing says new year, new me quite like dental trauma.

There would be growing pains, unexpected challenges, difficult conversations, and moments when I’d question whether I was doing anything right.

Being a wife and a stepparent would teach me things about love, compromise, patience, and myself that I never could have learned from a book.

But there would also be laughter.

Adventures.

Family memories.

Little moments that would eventually become some of my favorite stories.

And the beautiful realization that the man I fell in love with wasn’t just going to be my husband.

He was going to become my best friend. My partner in the chaos. My person.

And somewhere along the way, I’d grow into a different version of myself.

Not necessarily someone who has everything figured out. Goodness knows I’m still working on that!

But someone who is learning to trust herself, take chances, chase creative dreams, and appreciate the beautiful, messy, unpredictable experience of being alive.

So what would I actually tell myself five years ago?

I’d probably take her hand, look her in the eyes, and say:

You’re going to experience things that scare you. You’re going to laugh until your stomach hurts. You’re going to cry over things you never saw coming. You’re going to learn that love isn’t always simple, family isn’t always easy, and life certainly doesn’t follow a script.

But you’re also going to find something extraordinary.

You’re going to build a life with someone who chooses to walk beside you. Someone who becomes your best friend.

And while there will always be a part of your heart missing Mom, you’re going to discover that grief and happiness can exist together.

You’re allowed to miss the life you had while loving the life you’re building.

And maybe that’s the biggest lesson of all.

We spend so much time wondering what the future holds, worrying about what could go wrong, and wishing we had all the answers.

But sometimes the most beautiful chapters of our lives are the ones we never could have predicted.

Five years ago, I had no idea who I’d become.

And five years from now?

Well, I have absolutely no idea what’s waiting for me either.

But I hope it’s filled with love, laughter, adventures, a little magic, and significantly fewer emergency medical procedures.

Here’s to the women we were, the women we’re becoming, and all the unexpected chapters in between.

Keep growing. Keep loving. Keep creating your own magic.

With love,

Lex